Press Releases
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Cosmic Vault Apologizes for Rocket Ship Mishap in Austin, Texas
We at Cosmic Vault, the intergalactic supplier of unique and rare cosmic goods, would like to apologize for the recent crash of one of our weekly rocket ship transfers from the planet Xandar to earth near a power substation in Austin, Texas.
The ship lost control of its left propulsion driver, causing it to spin out of control and crash into the aforementioned power substation at around 11:55pm last night. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and the nearby zoo remained intact and unaffected.
Cosmic Vault would like to assure its valued customers that affected deliveries will be re-shipped as soon as possible. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused and thank our customers for their continued trust.
The Cosmic Vault shipping team would like to stress the importance of safety and caution, and ask the public to avoid getting close to the wreckage, as some of the transit-bound cosmic goods may be beyond human comprehension. The well-being of our customers and the community is our top priority, and we are working closely with local authorities to assess the situation and ensure that all necessary precautions are taken. We are legally required to remind you that you are entitled to compensation if rocket ship wreckage is found in your backyard.
If you have any questions or concerns, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at crashes@cosmicvault.net We appreciate your patience and understanding as we work to resolve this issue.
In unrelated news, we all at Cosmic Corp. and Cosmic Vault are devastated to hear of the horrific electrical fire that broke out at the Austin Zoo at 11:58 PM yesterday.
Thank you,
The Cosmic Vault Team